BEYOND THE CORAL REEFER: Jimmy Buffett Finds That One Particular Harbor

BEYOND THE CORAL REEFER: Jimmy Buffett Sails Into That One Most Particular Harbor

It was always the ne’er-do-well golf pros. Everything cool, somehow contraband and just beyond the true reach of a 12-, 13-year old girl who was too thin and absolutely curious about what the grown-ups didn’t see because they weren’t paying attention.

Songs about smugglers, washed out drifters, deadbeats and writers would drift from that backroom, occasionally with a waft of steel guitar and some short blasts of harmonica. The voice felt just like one of those naughty golf pros – warm, familiar, welcoming, wry – except it had some flannel to it, some molasses and a bit of cayenne as it flowed over notes that lifted and fell like the curtains on a slow, humid night.

He sang of a Florida I knew from going to Pompano, Delray, Palm Beach to work on my golf game during the six, seven months Cleveland wasn’t hospitable to that sort of thing. When his voice drifted out the bag room on a small gust of gasoline, dope smoke and sweat, my ears pricked up for the stories, always the short stories about pirates looking at 40, men going to Paris to seek something, lives intersecting in Montana...on Monday.

It was all so romantic. Even before I knew about “Margaritaville,” because I lived in a place and time before that Key West loser’s lament became the freak flag, good-time National Anthem. Somewhere in the delta between personal responsibility and screw it, that song plumbed the awareness of a man who knew better, but just didn’t care.

Jimmy Buffett must have been changing labels. I bought all those ABC/Dunhill Records – it seemed – remaindered at Record Theater at the Golden Gate Mall. A1A after the single lane coastal road that ran along the east coast of Florida; the sunk skiff Livin’ & Dyin’ in Three Quarter Time that was too hillbilly on first listen, but “West Nashville Grand Ballroom Gown” reminded me of too many babysitters; White Sport Coat & A Pink Crustacean who’s “Grapefruit Juicy Fruit” felt like something I was living, a Gatsby world for a barely teenage Catholic driving to another golf tournament, as well as the slinky “They Don’t Dance Like Carmen No More” that saw my father wax rhapsodic about Carmen Miranda and then wince when “Why Don’t We Get Drunk & Screw” rolled up.

We didn’t think about “labels” then, just “cool” or “lame.” Cool, of course, came in degrees. Buffett was that uncle your parents wouldn’t let babysit, even if he could talk to them about sailing, literature or Gulf Coast resorts. That made his sangfroid that much more delicious to a kid sitting on a worktable in a back room, not getting all the references.

“Margaritaville” wasn’t a hit when people started singing it, just the self-confession of the guy who drank himself out of the deal – and wasn’t 100% sure he cared as the hangover throbbed. He was coping, tequila, ice, lime and blender. For a washout, it was perfect.

All the sun slaves loved it. Work hard, party hard, recover while you you’re onto the next.

I loved that he painted this Florida of black top turned grey by the sun, the old people in plastic shoes, Walgreens and crusty ne’er do wells in bar rooms watching the ceiling fans turn. He got the Key West of Hemingway, who I already adored, Tennesseee Williams, who would beguile me in college, as well as the next wave macho literary and creative brios Jim Harrison, Tom McGuane, Guy de le Valdene.

Key West was for pirates. Dusty, dirty, chickens roaming the streets, space between buildings that held Lord knows. It felt like electric creativity when my father and I would escape from “practice,” head South over the 7 Mile Bridge and set to walking the streets like the tourists we were: an older Dad and a scrawny little tomboy, both sponges for whatever was in the air.

He’d lie to Mom about where we were, that’s how I knew it was good. And when Buffett’s songs came pouring out of a muscle car’s rolled down window or in that badly-ventilated back room, I was right there at Sloppy Joe’s on a barstool next to my father.
“This is the stuff, pro,” he’d tell me. “THIS is... the stuff.”

Buffett was snide about the right stuff, tender with the good stuff and savoring of the naughty stuff. Even before he turned into a billionaire industrial conglomerate of frozen drink machines and retirement communities, he understood not just what mattered, but how.

If the Eagles were “The Dirty Dozen,” Buffett was Butch Cassidy’s “Sundance Kid.” He had the escape route planned; he wasn’t backing down and he wasn’t afraid to hit the tricky spot. At a time when Southern California rock included Jackson Browne, Linda Ronstadt, Warren Zevon, J.D. Souther, America, Neil Young to some, Poco to others, Buffett was the Southern cousin, a bit more leaning to the folkie side of singer/songwriter.

He ran with Jerry Jeff Walker, Jesse Winchester, Steve Goodman. He got those traditions. He exhumed Lord Tom Buckley’s “God’s Own Drunk (& A Holy Man),” which he delivered with a hilarious ramble on You Had To Be There. It was that notion of street musicians, playing for tips and vibes; a secret handshake and a wink to a counterculture that was as romantic as it was pungent.

“People ask me, where in the hell is Margaritaville?” Buffett says on You Had To Be There, after referencing the possibility it’s a little island in your mind or the bottom of a tequila bottle. Then he proclaims, “It’s anywhere you want it to be, baby...”

Postcards from a life I didn’t have agency over. Yet. People I didn’t know. Yet.
But I leaned into the poetry, loving the notion of captains and kids, characters painted with same detail John Prine conjured. But where Prine could be profoundly sad or lonely or conscience-tugging, Buffett was more the brio of the literati he was running with.

Dreaming dreams inside the songs has a strange centrifugal force. Like so many people who drift into the world not quite sure where they’re headed, it can pull things you never intended to you. Alex Bevan, my first folk singing idol who befriended a wet behind the ears kid, knew him from their days playing National Association of Campus Activities showcases, trying to get regional college dates. He’d talk of their intersecting wages of the road: afternoons in laundromats, talking about Goodman, Jerry Jeff and whatever.

Buffett hadn’t blown up yet. Bevan made him seem real-sized in a way. Even sneaking into “FM,” a film about free-form, big business rock radio, with cameos from Buffett and Ronstadt, the notion of pirating someone’s concert for broadcast seemed delightfully on point. In “Urban Cowboy,” he took that out West cowboy nonsense and lacquered dancefloor country with his zesty “Livingston Saturday Night,” no doubt informed by his writer friends who fled Key West for Montana.

And then I fell out of the sky at St. Andrews School in Boca Raton, seeking to be recruited for college as a golfer. It was a co-ed school with very rich kids who were sophisticated in far more fast-track way than Ohio. That was where I met Valerie.

Valerie de la Valdene, heart shaped face, tilted smile and a wash of ebony hair falling across her eye, was the daughter of a count. She was also Buffett’s godchild, and like me, a young’un used to running with older kids; she couldn’t drive, but she was one of us. If Eloise had been raised by adventure hunters, she’d’ve been Valerie, who ran up and down Worth Avenue barefoot, laughing madly and plotting the next adventure.

Valerie, who got us the tickets to Buffett’s annual Christmas show at Sunrise Musical Theater in Ft Lauderdale, who said, “You should review this for the Bagpiper,” our school paper. Being such a big Florida icon – even then –it seemed to be the most perfect idea. Until they used that issue of the paper for the annual fundraising drive, missimg my smirking reference to “Why Don’t We Get Drunk (& Screw)?”
What would Jimmy Buffett do? It became my sextant and compass. Looking at the Dean, who was braced for some kind of antics, I exhaled slowly, smiled innocently, and said, “Obviously these people are not music lovers...”

Jack Bower could barely contain the laughter. His face turned red; the howl was trapped in his throat. A theatrical man, husky but not fat, his eyes danced as he looked at me, suggesting I keep talking without saying a word.

“Dean Bower, that IS the name of the song, and it was a climax to the show. It was bawdy and brazen, but also self-deprecating and self-impaling. To not say it happened would be to not tell the story properly.”

He couldn’t take the mealymouthed sweetness. I was not that kid. He knew it. Barking as a laugh and his voice escaped, he managed, “Get out of my office. And please, Holly, be smarter please. The donors are important... They’re paying the bills.”

Turning in the doorway, I tried one Hail Mary pass. “Would it help if you knew I went with Valerie?”

I smiled. He laughed harder. It was implicit: while Buffett was the dope smugglers’ personal hero, he was also a saint in South Florida. Though his manatee awareness campaign was a few years off, he quietly did much for the region that was over-run by Haitian refugees, other Spanish speakers, profiteers who’d pave the Everglades and other entities to check.

“Get out, stay out of trouble. You know what to do.”

Yes, whatever Jimmy Buffett might do.

Still, he was quicksilver. Sightings all over the state. “Don Kirshner’s Rock Concert.” Concerts at Blossom Music Center, Sunrise, Rolling Stone magazine, softball games against publications and radio stations. It was a different time, and place.

One day during college, while clerking at the Miami Herald, a call came through to the general features desk. “HELLohhhhh,” the voice came down the line, “How are you today?”

No one was ever friendly on that extension. The euphoria felt real, the voice familiar.

“I was wondering if you could help me... I am trying to figure out where to get some good Thai food down here in Dade County. Can you help me?”
“Well, sir, uhm, we really don’t provi...” I was trying to avoid making a Herald endorsement.

“Honey, would it help if I introduced myself? This is Jimmy Buffett, and if the restaurant sucks, I promise we won’t get you fired.”

I turned purple. Of course, he won’t. He gets the plight of the late teenager/early twenty-something. I gulped; didn’t want him to think I’m stupid.

Putting him on hold, I asked a couple of the folks on the desk that I trusted. Got back on the phone, trying to “sound” like a pro, I picked up, “Okay, not sure where you are in the county, but the place you want is called Tiger Tiger... It’s down Dixie, south of the Gables, and it’s delicious. I think you’ll like it.”

“Awesome, baby. And if you can get out of there, you’re welcome to join us.”

He laughed and was gone. Dixie Highway is an easy navigation, especially in the ‘80s. Just get to Coral Gables and start looking; that restaurant was dark wood. It’d be easy to spot.

Whether it was a pleasantry or a genuine invitation, I was too intimidated to show up. Besides, real life drive-bys are only magic when you’re not stalking.

A year later, I would get to interview Dan Fogelberg, playing the NAMM Convention in Hollywood, Florida. He had a bluegrass album, High Country Snows, coming, and I stalked my story with a vengeance. It’s hard to say no to a kid with shiny straight hair in a striped t-shirt with hope in their eyes; the tour manager agreed, saying I needed to chase their limo to Ft. Lauderdale – and I could meet him in the restaurant, talking while he had his dinner. Nina Avrimades, his manager, was there; I tried to not be too excited, but I knew her name from Buffett’s record covers.

The Fogelberg interview went impossibly well. Turned out he’d had his dinner sent to his room; he was only going to have soup with me. But he ended up staying for the entire hour. When he left to go change, I set upon the lovely blond-haired woman, asking questions about what she did, how she did it.

“You know, he normally hates these things,” she confided. “Dan genuinely enjoyed that.”

Screwing up my courage, I asked the big ask.
I opened with the obvious, “You know Jimmy’s the Grand Kahuna down here. No one is bigger.”

She laughed. She saw the set-up, and she knew he wasn’t “in record cycle” or “touring.” We left it that she’d think about it, see what she could do. A couple months later, Buffett called my dorm room – and the Herald ran the piece.

So did Country Song Round Up, the world’s oldest country fanzine. My canny editor there told me about Buffett’s connections to Nashville, the reporting for Billboard magazine, the days hanging out at the Exit/In, Closed Quarters and the general creative hauntings. Suddenly, the Jerry Jeff Walker stuff, the steel guitars and the actual country undertow made sense.

It opened my mind to how impossible things can merge and converge; made Willie Nelson not the only one who could tap authenticity in seemingly opposing realms of music. But where Nelson was truly making country safe for the alternos, Buffett was slyly interjecting country music into songs people loved and never letting them realize it was “liver.”

It always seemed to be that way with this Buffett character. He existed in our world like twinkle lights in a bar; look up and smile at the twinkle in whatever other clutter was around. He knew poetry, knew how to deliver it – and he knew how to revel like an Endymion Mardi Gras float, tossing ravers out to the fans like so many fistfuls of beads.

Signed by Tony Brown, it wasn’t that Buffett came full circle, so much as music had turned all the way around to where the kid born in Pascagoula, Mississippi and raised in Alabama started his journey. Sure, there’d been Lear jets, misadventures, crazy stories, mysterious substances, inside jokes, sports teams and “60 Minutes,” but there was more to come. Writing his own books about Joe Merchant and memoirs, launching a chain of cheeseburger restaurants that turned into hotels, Broadway shows, football stadiums, creating a space for the regular guy to get a little tropicrazy and have the license to let your freak flag fly high.

All that was ahead of him. Records were a place to give his creativity a home. He was still everybody’s favorite “oh, yeah” songwriter/singer/supernova, but the Parrothead ubiquity was just starting to quicken. “One Particular Harbor” from that era was beautiful, a lulling melody that spoke of refuge and peace/piece of mind. It wasn’t what country radio was doing, but the video – possibly shot in Polynesia – was close to four minutes of mental escape every time it rolled up on CMT or TNN.
That escape was everything. As MTV blared and pulsated, Buffett was saner, smarter rebellion against 9-to-5 and the status quo. His touring business grew more robust without radio; his legendary Coral Reefers became more formidable. At different times, Timothy B. Schmitt (the ether-high vocalist with the Eagles), Josh Leo, Tim Krekel, Will Kimbrough, especially the tenderest hearted songwriter/guitarist/ Mac MacAnally, all artists in their own right.

Suddenly, it wasn’t about chasing hits, but the longevity of classic tracks, the opportunity to convene with your Parrotheaded brethren, to sing these songs together. Buffett was the grandmaster – and he took his duties seriously.

He used that power to launch Margaritaville Records, where he signed original Nashville compatriot Marshall Chapman for her It’s About Time: Live from the Tennessee State Women’s Prison project and a neophyte trickster/writer acolyte of Jerry Jeff and Keith Sykes named Todd Snider, whose mostly talking blues “Alright Guy” caused an alternative/triple a sensation.

Snider, a free spirit, and Chapman, a lanky rock guitarist with blazing charisma and a drawl for days, embodied that notion of outside the lines is the only place to color. Original voices and perspectives, they brought it with a burning intensity as different as the other – and as contrasting to Buffett’s cool

Chapman, opening for Buffett at the Hollywood Bowl, knew how to bring a Chrissie Hynde panache to a bare bones rock’n’soul grooved attack. She and her Love Slaves left those fans panting for more, and when the main dish is Buffett, that’s saying something.

Saying not just how astute a judge of talent he was, but his willingness to share the stage with a woman known as “the female Mick Jagger” in the ‘70s and the sly Snider, a songwriter who loved to see what would happen, including wandering off from the venue on one tour and not look back. That is all part of the carnival, the glorious feast Auntie Mame promised in the original Broadway show. If it gets twisted, that’s part of it.

So Buffett became an icon, larger than life – and somehow still inviting. A Saturday morning superhero, he was the kind of cartoon who was so frisky his skin almost seemed not enough to hold him. The tales of shots fired at his plane over Jamaica; the tales of adventures that inspired William McKeen’s Mile Marker 0; the charities he anchored and advocated for in New Orleans, the Hamptons, Mississippi, Alabama and Florida.

But even then, it was the random Buffett, the sightings of the man in the wild. Running into him in a purple label Ralph Lauren tux, where he got up and sang some for the wedding of one of his friend’s sons in Palm Beach; laughing jocularly at a CMA Awards after-party after singing “5 O’Clock Somewhere” with Alan Jackson; on his bicycle on County Road in Palm Beach, dropping by to see friends at PB Boys Club or reports that he was out surfing with friends.

Of course, he was. For while his brand was the guy who lived his life on his terms – St. Barths, St Kitts, Fenway Park, Wrigley Field, Jimmy Buffett actually inhabited a devil-may-care world where he just was. Not rejecting the fanfare, but laughing it off as he went.

Which isn’t to say he ever stopped thinking about what his next creative step might be. A million years ago, reading the Sunday New York Times and Saturday Wall Street Journal at the pool at a fancy Vegas hotel, he spent a little time with an emerging country artist, sharing some wisdom, talking about football and demonstrating how little one needed to change. That lesson served Kenny Chesney well; he remains indifferent to fame, investing his heart in the buzzy byproducts of making people happy with glorious concerts that remind them the joy of being alive.

When he played the annual Everglades Benefit in Palm Beach County, usually with some splashy single name guest, the high dollar tickets flew out. When the Gulf Coast was destroyed by weather, he got a few of his famous friends – and came in to raise millions of dollars. Big shows with an undertow of fun within the wreckage, offering hope as it solved or helped with problems that were critical.

If Springsteen wrote “It ain’t no sin to be glad you’re alive,” Buffett lived it. Top-to-bottom, front-to-back, inside-out and upside-down. It was a tilt-a-whirl, centrifugal force of ebullience – and it never flagged. Whether Las Vegas, peaking out from the wings, or West Palm Beach’s “what name is it this year?” amphitheater in the swelter, it always delivered exuberance and delight. If you came with a squad or a date, we are all one once the singers slithered onstage, the tin drums started their rolls and the churn started turning.

In 2018, fresh from induction into the SOURCE Hall of Fame, which recognizes women in the music industry behind the scenes, I boarded a plane to fly across the sea. All alone, my destination was Paris, France. To mark the triumph of the unseen, it didn’t matter that no one else could join me.

Raised on the poetry within songs, hearing Jimmy Buffett sing “He Went To Paris” at La Cigale seemed the most perfect way to hold that young girl who didn’t quite understand all the grownup emotions, but recognized the power in those songs. Deceptively engaging, Buffett – like the Texas songwriters, the wild authors and filmmakers of Key West – knew that if there wasn’t conflict or a yearning, the song didn’t lance whatever was stuck in the listener’s heart.
It wasn’t that I was numb from the music business, but it extracts a toll on women who don’t fly by their looks or native charms. I needed to remember those moments when a song sounded like something I could – and must – touch, and my heart sped up at the way the images often stacked up to create some truth about living.

Paris, as Audrey Hepburn declared, is always a good idea. The streets alive with passion for life, the different size glasses of wine you can order, the fabulous cafes, the bookstores, walking along the Seine, over the ancient bridges, the Deux Magots and Café des Flores, as well as the D’Orsay, Marmottan. Picasso Museum and yes, the teeny Hemingway Bar at the Ritz.

Stopping at Le Roc, supposedly the oldest Catholic church in Paris, I knelt in a chilly stone cathedral and wept for all that life had given me. So many blessings, adventures, wonders, people and dreams that came true; not just my own dreams, but the dreams I’d midwifed for artists who didn’t always see what I dreamt for them... artists who didn’t always see how their music changed lives.

Sitting so close to the stage later that night, taking notes to always remember, I was overwhelmed by how much joy could be delivered; also, the heroism washed out characters could have being true to their own shattered lives. “He Went To Paris” was, indeed, the miracle I believed it would be.

“Looking to answers... for questions that bothered him so...”
La Cigale, there in the 18th arronddisement, had quite the history. Built in 1894, Mistinguett and Maurice Chevalier had played there, later Jean Cocteau would stage avant garde evenings. It would become a movie theater in 1940, ultimately falling into a screening house for Kung Fu, then X rated films, but always it remained. Deemed a historic building in the 1980s, the French recognized its intrinsic essence – and Philippe Stark was drafted to return it to its former glory.

The metaphor was not lost on me, or the fact this less than 1000 seat venue was where Buffett chose to play. Like Key West in the ‘70s, it was the fabulous dissolute chic without resources that deliver dignity and delight right where you are.

I had traveled alone, but I sat in that row at La Cigale with every me I’d ever been. The little girl run off with the naughty golf pros, the baby rock critic people didn’t take seriously until they saw my words, the young dreamer working in a world where a journalist’s stories weren’t vanity, but a truth for the tribes, a voice that shaped how people saw the worlds and the artists who mattered, a business reporter, a major label department head who hated the way decisions were never for the artists, a boutique artist development and media relations innovator who’d fight for her clients, a battered survivor of a callous industry, a truth-teller when it mattered – and nobody wanted to listen.

It got crowded in that row. But it also got epic, because Jimmy Buffett had also flown into headwinds over and over again. He never won a Grammy; only had quantifiable hits on country radio with people like Alan Jackson. He didn’t care.

Jimmy Buffett believed in his songs, his friends, the characters who’d inspired him. As long as he had those people, a little imagination, he’d find a way. Oh, and that way made him a billionaire; he had the last laugh on the music business know-it-alls.

Not that that was his motivation. Standing onstage, with the smile slicing his face like wide open like a ripe mango, eyes sparkling at the naughtiness of Parrotheads converging on Paris in some kind of electric mojito acid test, there was revelry to be had – and songs, poetic and ribald to be sung.

That way the joy and the mission: honor what is however it was, remember the beauty, hang onto the high jinks and never, ever doubt the songs.

For someone who tilts at windmills, gets treated more poorly than people would ever imagine, whose best friend once squealed – driving around the streets of LA as two unhinged medium-20-somethings – “You could be HER, Holly Gee!” as Dylan’s “Sweetheart Like You” poured from her tape deck, La Cigale took back that fate which stretches you across a rack until you break and gave me back the effervescent joy of serving the music. That was what it’s about...

Even when the king of the parrot pirates was out flying his planes or chasing the sun, talking about good times or creating more memories, he was always braising those songs. Living like he sang, laughing like he wrote, it was all the same beautiful ecosystem so many people drew their moments of release, of elation, of crazy wild “oh yeah” from.

It was money I probably shouldn’t have spent, but it was the best value I’d seen in a long time. On the plane back, I smiled and exhaled and mindfully let all the good that is my life flow through me. “This is what being present feels like,” I marveled.

Jimmy Buffett, more than anything else, was absolutely, truly, completely present. Like his friends from Key West, adventurers all, he understood: Immersion is everything. Dive deep. Go big. Go crazy. Have fun. Feel it all, revel in it – and let what makes you feel alive be your navigational buoy.

It was a lesson that mattered profoundly.

When the call came at 5:11 a.m. from Kenny Chesney who’d texted me the night before, he didn’t have to speak. Just “he’s gone,” and gravity fell out of the room. It was dark, too early for morning to even think about breaking, and yet...

When we hung up the phone, I pulled the new rescue spaniel to me. Petted his silky head and felt tears fall off my face onto his ears. “Oh, Corliss,” I told the little guy, “you have no idea. To find someone who lived as most artists who pretend to, who embodies all the happiness that comes from being present, who wrote about places that mattered and being ripped down and forgotten...”

So many songs, so many moments, so much life.

And not just Buffett’s, but our own. I found “He Went To Paris” rising in my throat. Not because I called it up, but something in my muscle memory sent it through the transom. Singing softly to a red cocker spaniel who was licking the tears from my face, I couldn’t believe when I got to the end...

There it was: the words the old man, who’d seen World Wars, the Spanish Civil War, great love and horrible loss, had told Buffett more than half a century ago. Suddenly, there was the elegy for us all.

“Jimmy, some of it’s magic, some of it’s tragic
“But I had a good life all the way.”

www.hollygleason.com

Good-Bye Little Rock’n'Roller

There were always golf pros. Bored. Jaded. Thrill-seeking to kill summers spent in the service of the overstuffed, self-important and often boorish. They were charmed by the scrawny kid in the pink and green or yellow or turquoise with the swinging ponytail secured with a great big Pappagallo ribbon bow. The kid who didn't understand the meaning of "no," who knew deep truths about life, who chased the night and emotions and most of all rock & roll with a parched thirstiness that was almost unquenchable. All the bands. All the records. Reading Rolling Stone under one of those hand-carved, heavy dark wood Eastern European beds in the attic. Staring down Patti Smith on the cover of Horses, not sure if she was a he or whatever; waiting for the lightning bolt to strike after repeatedly needle-dropping on the disengaged confessional opening salvo of Horses: "Jesus died for somebody's sins, but not mine…" Strangely limp when nothing happened. Disoriented. Vertiginous, even. Not sure about anything in the world anymore -- except that the truth could be found somewhere in the grooves. If not on Horses, then when Bonnie Raitt melted down John Prine's song of emptiness and alienation in a home where love once lived and only memories seem to exhale "Angel From Montgomery." There was Jackson Browne. Led Zeppelin. Heart. The Sanford Townsend Band. Aerosmith. Merle Haggard. Little Feat. Gary Wright. Fleetwood Mac. The Allman Brothers. Carole King. Earth, Wind & Fire. Carly Simon. Waylon Jennings. Warren Zevon. Linda Ronstadt. Jefferson Airplane/Starship. Thin Lizzy. Emmylou Harris. Ear glued to the radio -- listening for the seismic shifts. To know the music. What was next. What was lame. What mattered, what sucked. What could -- properly applied -- lift me up. One day, there was the most haunted sound of a lost wind blowing -- pouring out of the speakers of some golf pro's car, parked outside the Shaker Deli where no doubt the driver was inside buying a couple of ice cold six packs. The announcer's voice, male, a little distant, flat but with an echo, appeared from out of nowhere. There was a serpentine guitar part, buzzing with the promise of kerosene and a match -- that taut tension doing nothing, but its presence letting you know… "It's the sound of faded calico dresses… and leaving town on the midnight train." I was riveted, right there, fanny planted in the naugahyde. That's when it hit. A voice that was cracked prairie, broken open, a witness to all the earth had seen -- exhaling about a long and lonely highway just east of Omaha. It was as if my blood had turned to electricity and every cell was set on stun. "Marshall Chapman… Jaded Virgin… on Epic Records & Tapes." That was all the more there was. Utterly abortive. Entirely, frustratingly not enough. Yet, it was crumbs in the forest, a trail to somewhere -- perhaps scary, probably dark -- that I must journey. That I would know. Jaded Virgin was of course purchased. Spoils from another bout of parental marital croquet. During this particular separation, it was an attempt on my father's part to curry favor that incited angina over a title that to him signified moral turpitude at best, my moral erosion at worst. But to hear a thick Southern accent flailing, wailing, raving "Why can't I be like other girls…" was a liberation over utterly collected-and-rising guitars… a lazy female diction with the tension tightening up like a horse coming up on a jump, gathering, shortening its stride, extending, reaching and clearing. That was Marshall Chapman's ability to free-for-all into the abyss with a focus that was as intense as the explosive reality she conjured. For control and abandon marked her, and the records, tautening the loose-jointed rolling grooves. And the way her throat opened when she tossed her head back, spewed out the line. If admitting, "I could read, I could write/ But learning to be white was something I didn't need to know…" about grade school education drew the reality-checking line for the South Carolina textile heiress in this lament about role and convention and one's inability to access the hand as dealt. Jaded Virgin offered a rough sweetness that was low-slung leather pants soaked with the salt of a good night's sweat. There was this woman's woman's sense on the record, too. The frustration-tempered-with-reggae that was "The Island Song" and the corner-lipped "Thank You Hank" that settled a debt with the Senior Williams that nodded to the spiritual father of this daughter of the South's musical journey. Miss Chapman understood that Hank Sr. seared the blueprint for the rock & roll lifestyle that stands today: live hard, leave nothing in your wake and when it comes to the music, use the songs like kerosene and passion like a Molotov cocktail. But it was on Bob Seger's "Turn The Page" -- mostly recently yanked out of moth balls by Metallica -- that Chapman's clear-eyed vision of the price paid for the rock & roll dream came to a slow boil that was as cautionary as it was confessional. In that deep, drawn-out voice of her's, she confessed, "You feel the eyes open you as you're shaking off the cold/ Sometimes you can't hear'em talk, other times you can/ And it's the same old clichés… Is that a woman or a man?" Dignity is not always for those who live without surrender when confronted with convention. The normal fears those who live beyond the rules jettison define the status quo. Those people are terrified by a freedom they won't seize, confused by a thwarted willingness to be who they're wanting to, not who they're expected to. And it all plays out in the truck stop dining rooms and backwater cafes, where the dream is quartered if not drawn. If it plays out in the places where basic human needs must be met, it pays out onstage in a million sinkhole bars. Because on that stage every night, the ones who've not yet ascended swing for their soul in increments of 45, 60, 75, 90 or six sets. And it's not just the souls of those plugging in and turning on, but the souls of the faithful who show up looking for witness, looking for comfort, looking to be enlivened by gypsies who will pay the price for the moment of communion with a backbeat, a guitar chord, a shriek that is meant to be release from what is -- commitment to something beyond the pale. And so it was that a young girl in a pink buttondown Oxford cloth shirt, side-parted hair secured on either side by a tortoise shell barrette made small talk with some golf pro -- head tilted to signal interest, heart pounding wanting to see the 6' tall Glamazon who kicked in the stall, incinerated the yoke of "supposed to be," chose to toss herself off the wall of security with a ferocity that screamed "There Is More." The record had become like blood to me. There in the attic, the air too warm and thick to breathe. Over and over and over and over and over again. It wasn't as relentless as the Rolling Stones, who truly did tear this place apart. But there was something to it. Something that rearranged my DNA and made me know I didn't have to accept what was handed… It was liberation as the electrics screamed, the bass churned and this woman who'd -- unknown to me -- railed about being "rode hard and put up wet" turned herself inside out in the name of burning down the house, the mind, the moment. Inside this bar, entered by virtue of a much older companion and a bored security guard who just didn't care and probably figured that it didn't really matter as the door was kinda light, my heart pounded between my ears, between my legs, beneath my solar plexus. There was barely air getting into my lungs. My palms were wet with the warm sweat of anticipation. Somewhere "back there," where they kept the disciples of dreams, the cattledrivers of song, I knew she was waiting. Gathering her energy. Striking her matches. Not sure what Marshall Chapman would do, but knowing it would come down fast and hard, furious and over. It went down just like that. An opera scarf draped around her neck in the most jaunty, thrown-on style, so careless it seemed to negate everything the item signified. And also so much tossed off that it said, everything about what you know can be re-thought in a way that serves you. Charging hard with that band of sinewy, raw-boned thieves, it was all about how hard could you push it. Genuflect before the altar of backbeat, bob hard and swerve around a guitar solo that performed surgery on melody designed to throw her at the moon, jerk back and pull her to the center of the vocal. It was like something theretofore unseen -- a woman who wasn't afraid to sweat, to grind, to push her band, to drag them around if necessary, to be pulled by a gravitational field of undulation that was sex implied, refusal stated, yearning understood. Marshall Chapman -- billed by many as "the female Mick Jagger," referred to by others as "the no shame dame" -- cashed those checks without looking back or considering. She ate moments with abandon. She surged with electricity and rage and lust for whatever was laid before her. If she could respond with a woman's tenderness against the roughness that was a Southern-steeped rock music, she was never soft. Nor was she traditional. Marshall Chapman was a confoundment. Hell bent on getting what she wanted. Intent on being her own girl, "should" and convention be damned. As her shoulder dropped, that blond Telecaster slung low on the tallest woman I'd ever seen, it was an exorcism of sorts taking place on that stage… a woman intent on shirking off the constraints of what was supposed to, all in the name of strangling the will out of something that had plugged into her essence, had taken her prisoner and driven her to places most mortals would never believe existed. As sweat flung off her in every direction, spraying the band, the crowd, the stage like a pressure hose on particularly heated moments, Marshall Chapman was a feral animal intent on release. She knew no fear, no thoughts, no will to accept anything beyond the moment -- indeed, the moment wasn't even considered, it was swallowed whole and digested like the snake that devours a mouse intact. That was the beauty of Mah-shull, telling stories in a speaking voice that moved at about the same molasses-pace as life was lived outside Spartanburg, South Carolina. She took her time when she shared those insights, intent on making people wait for her truth; believing -- no doubt -- the anticipation would heighten the pay-off. Or at least torture us through the contrast with the frenzied free-for-all of surrender that was the most incendiary moments. And there were slower moments. Moments that rolled and rocked gently, measured and straining against desire or lust or recognition of want and denial. Somehow when she slowed it down to low boil, the intensity came up in other ways -- letting you know that a woman's heart, even a heart railing against roles, has the depth of emotions that will always make it true, immeasurable, utterly awe-inducing. In my topsiders, breath held, then released in paroxysms of euphoria, something inside me changed that night. With a heart that's racing, with a pulse faster and harder than the Ramones on diet pills, a veil dropped and a recognition emerged: you could be what you wanted to be. For a young girl plagued by the notion that adulthood was a prison, that the notion of a life of marriage and children and a home and solidity was the way, that your joy and your freedom were traded for what you were supposed to be, this evening was a revelation. Yes, Marshall Chapman was a child of rebellion, of refusal to buy into the roles, of an almost pathological charging straight at the side of the barn. But Marshall Chapman was free. Free to wail, to beat that guitar like a rug on a line, to charge the footlights and take no prisoners. If life was hard -- and it was far harder than the blinding, harsh glow of the moment and the spots burning -- it would not be known until years later when Chapman published her memoirs, Good-Bye Little Rock & Roller on St. Martins' Press. No, in that moment it was all void, for she was the brightest lightest candle on the altar. With a light patina of sweat covering my too young body and an aching in my too old soul, it occurred to me that the rules are what you make (or break) them. If there was something I wanted, I could seize it in the name of some higher glory, or wait out back til it emerged, tired and willing to give in to desire. Either way was good, no, more: either way afforded me an example that said you didn't just have to be what they thought --especially when they arrived at their decisions without ever really looking at you. For in a world where children weren't really seen… where sparkling precociousness and a fire for the songs produced a strange upside down loyalty from the people those wide chocolate brown eyes consumed with awe, wonder and release… where it was all proscribed… this was a revolution beyond recognition. For in a skanky bar that smelled of old beer and vomit, a woman who walked with a sway to her step, who didn't think about anything but the gut of the song and who eviscerated roles, gender definitions and any polite reason with her performance let out a laugh that was tattered, worldweary thunder spreading across the valley of a very worried, equally thirsty soul. Marshall Chapman kicked out the jams that night at the Akron (she swears Youngstown) Agora. She took no prisoners. She never looked down. She never saw the beaming face lifted in emancipation. Not sure quite how it translated for a girl who would never debut, never Junior League, never even begin to be like other girls, a pilot light of a different stripe got struck that night. For the first time in my life, a woman who lived beyond the law combusted before me. That she was more vital than anything I'd ever seen, more consumed by the electrical current of the hottest moments than anyone I'd ever regarded, it occurred to me: you can grow up, you can walk the line between what you're supposed to be and what you want. Perhaps the architect has to make it up as you go along, there's bruising in the name of a fate beyond plodding acceptance and a fair amount of threatened from others as you journey… But you go in the name of a spirit that is something only you can hear, and it is a spirit that can deliver you in ways most people will never know. In the parking lot, where the temperature had dropped, and the snap of the Midwestern night should've sobered up the exhilaration of rock music white hot and burning, the glow just got greater. Laughing to myself, everything had changed. Too young to know how, it was a moment of seeing oneself for the first time and wondering what the path would hold. That it would be four years of being the West Coast call for Rolling Stone wasn't even within the realm. Nor was the notion of knowing the artists I loved. On that night, the idea that I could chase the flame and if my wings got singed, at least my heart would stay warm was enough. For the ferocity of the will is bigger than the weight of the supposed to -- and that alone was enough to make a drive home feel like the ramp up to the rest of whatever. A free-for-all frenzied band scrappy in ways that seemed just like any other hardcore stampede to the casual observer, but ultimately, the moment when it all changes, the shackles and expectations drop and the girl's soul began to emerge towards freedom most people would never touch, breathe or fathom. In that moment, it all shifted -- and I could never be the same again. That ride home was a limp benediction for something that would evermore kick inside, set me ablaze and light the way when all else was dark and too silent to suggest.
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